The Merciful Obtain Mercy

I tell Brian all the time, most of my personal revelations come to me in the shower. I don't know why that is. Maybe it is because my mind is still quiet from the sleep of the night before, or maybe the warm water methodically pelting my skin relaxes me enough so that I can actually listen to that still, small voice.

Today, in the shower, I felt the need to revisit this talk from April's General Conference. No matter what church you belong to, this talk is full of advice worthy of your time and attention. I include a link to the text, but also the video above. President Uchtdorf's talks are easily my favorite of recent years, and I so enjoy watching him deliver them too.

I am happy I took the time to read this talk again because I have been praying for Heavenly Father to help me disconnect from my anger and frustration over Brian's lack of care. I can't see this change happening in me overnight, but "the more we allow the love of God to govern our minds and emotions—the more we allow our love for our Heavenly Father to swell within our hearts—the easier it is to love others with the pure love of Christ. As we open our hearts to the glowing dawn of the love of God, the darkness and cold of animosity and envy will eventually fade."

I think, an important distinction for me, is the fact that forgiving people who have treated us poorly doesn't mean defeat. It doesn't mean they are right and we are wrong. Forgiveness is a part of God's eternal plan. We forgive because we want to be forgiven. Once again, Elder Uchtdorf says it better than I can:

"We must recognize that we are all imperfect—that we are beggars before God. Haven’t we all, at one time or another, meekly approached the mercy seat and pleaded for grace? Haven’t we wished with all the energy of our souls for mercy—to be forgiven for the mistakes we have made and the sins we have committed?

Because we all depend on the mercy of God, how can we deny to others any measure of the grace we so desperately desire for ourselves? My beloved brothers and sisters, should we not forgive as we wish to be forgiven?"

I feel better today. I feel, at least, that my heart has been softened. My continued prayer is for the easement of the struggle I feel. There is a balance between forgiving as Christ would and we should, and simply prostrating ourselves before those who would seek to harm us. I am trying to negotiate this balance with the realization that I am my husband's advocate. If I don't do my best to make things right, no one else will. I do think I will still file a complaint when this is over. I feel that is the least I can do so that perhaps someone else will be spared from the trouble we are going through. Also, I hope my readers can appreciate that this little customer service issue we are having is the very tip of the iceberg. With it, I have reached a breaking point. If this were the only issue, I would be far more accomodating.

I am grateful for the love and support of our friends and family. I am so thankful for my relationship with Brian. Friends of Brian's that I have never met have embraced me as if they have known me forever, and I don't feel the distinction between "his side" of the family and "mine", I feel like we are one big family and that is how it should be. I know my parents and sister think of Brian as a son and brother, and I feel such a welcome and loved part of Brian's family. I have so much to be thankful for, even in the midst of this trial.