This morning I got a text from my dad just checking on me. :) I told him I woke up feeling stressed. He told me not to let stress to control my thoughts, and reminded me that God is in my head too, and He is bigger than the stressful thoughts. My dad is so right about things. It is a nearly constant struggle for me, but I am in charge of my thoughts and actions!
An old classmate of mine from home is struggling for her very life right now. She experienced sudden heart failure last week. I have been faithfully reading her husband's thoughtful posts on her Caring Bridge site. She had open heart surgery this morning and now they are just waiting for some signs of neurological improvement.
My heart is aching for Mary and her family. For the first time in the last five months though, I feel LUCKY. This feeling is transcending the gratitude for the many blessings that have lightened our load over the last several months. I have been so intently focused on how much time we have left, that I haven't really been paying attention to how fortunate we are to have this time at all. I keep thinking of Mary and her husband. She was so suddenly pulled from conciousness. What were the last words spoken between them? Did they have any petty arguments the week before? How long will it be before she can tell him she loves him again?
As difficult as a cancer diagnosis has been, I get to see Brian awake and alert each day. I get to snuggle up to him every night and thank God for the late night talks we have. We have a unique opportunity of knowing just how precious our days are... everyone's are, but we have lost the luxury of taking them for granted. It is a consequence of mortality, that we know someday we will die, but we can't remember what happened before we got here, and we don't really know what to expect after we are through here. All we have is now, but its so easy to get stuck in the daily grind and forget to soak up each treasured day we have. Or to let stress or conflict creep in and rob us of this cherished time.
I hope mary wakes up soon. She and her family are constantly on my mind.