Today was a really nerve wracking day. Brian had his 6 month MRI today. We won't get the results of that until next Tuesday. We are actually gearing up for a really stressful week next week. We see the oncologist Monday, where hopefully we will get results from Brian's chromosome analysis that the doctor wanted to reevaluate. Pray for good news there. Then Tuesday we get our MRI results and say good bye to the neurology office for the last time. Then Wednesday Brian sees the CAT doctor and if all goes well, he will be back to work Wednesday night. As I have mentioned before, this is scary for me, but I know it will be so good for Brian to get back into a routine. He has been talking increasingly about work and I know he will feel better to get back in the swing of things again.
I have actually been having some health concerns of my own. Ever since we have been trying to get pregnant two years ago (this month! wow!) I have been having some "female" issues. For a long time I felt like I was sort of getting blown off and having to just kick the ball down the road to address them later. Then I met my current doctor.
If you need an ob/gyn, I can't recommend her or her staff enough. For the first time, she was willing to address my concerns. I was all set up to see her in February, but my appointment fell on Brian's surgery day so of course I had to cancel it. I had another one set up for this month so I just decided to sit tight and let Brian's issues settle down before I readdressed my own.
I went in 10 days ago and was met with such overwhelming kindness and compassion from the doctor and the sweetest most compassionate nurse I have ever met! (I hope you see this B!) I filled the nurse in on what we have been going through and of course tears welled up in my eyes in spite of my best efforts to stay calm. She put her pen and computer down and just gave me the biggest hug, and that was the best thing anyone could have done for me. She said she didn't know what to say, but the hug said it all. She filled the doctor in and when I saw her she listened intently to my concerns and told me we could do a whole battery of tests to rule out all of my worries. So I got tons of blood drawn, had another test, and scheduled an ultrasound.
Last Friday I got my results back and everything was normal as far as the blood tests went. Except, SURPRISE! High cholesterol. Not terribly high, not even enough to do anything about it except watch my diet a little more closely, but honestly, this wasn't a surprise because of all my stress eating lately. I am not wanting health food, I want CARBS, bacon, and chocolate in all of their incarnations. As I type this I am munching on a banana bread recipe from Cooking Light. Its good, but nothing compared to Grandma Branch's cheesecake brownies that I polished off for breakfast. SEE!!! I HAVE A PROBLEM! But like my sweet Emily says, Meth is a problem, chocolate and carbs are not. Love that girl.
But back on track.
I was afraid I wouldn't be able to have my ultrasound done today and almost cancelled it, but the ladies told me to come in anyway and they would see if they could do it. If they couldn't, I could reschedule and they wouldn't even charge me for it. As I sat in the waiting room I prayed that God would at least let me get the ultrasound today. I was so convinced that something was wrong, and that my other test would come back with bad news too. It turns out they COULD do, so I was really grateful.
Another thing I love about the office is that they play Christian radio in all the rooms. I was listening to a song about how God won't give us more than we can handle and I had to pray again. I asked God to please let my test be normal, because I know he won't give me more than I can handle, but dealing with Brian's illness is enough, I can't bear anything else in this moment.
My doctor came in and told me the ultrasound, and my other test were normal. I was so relieved I could cry. I took the time to thank the doctor and the nurse because they are always so great. As a matter of fact, one of the first questions they each asked me today was whether or not we had heard anymore about Brian's tests. Its so touching that they would even think of that first. I know they care and I know that they have perhaps one of the most important qualities I look for in my health care professionals and that is compassion. Compassion like I can't even believe compared to some of the doctors we have dealt with in Brian's case.
And they aren't even just being nice to me because of all of my extra stress. I remember one day back in the fall when I had my miscarriage. I had to go in for blood tests, a lot of them, to make sure my pregnancy hormone level dropped back down to zero like it was supposed to. It got to the point after four our five times that I was just so depressed going in there because each time I felt like I was losing more and more of that little baby I never got to meet. One day, my favorite nurse was hurrying down the hall to get a different patient and she saw me sitting on the bench waiting for my blood draw. She stopped in the middle of what she was doing and just sat down and hugged me. I will never forget that little extra bit of kindness she showed to me on a day that I didn't even have an appointment with her and she was obviously busy. I felt so loved in that moment that I was so sad. I know that Heavenly Father was aware of me in my sadness and I felt like that nurse was just an angel sent to confirm His love for me through her. She is very obviously a Christian and a shining example of Christ's love. Truly a tender mercy of the Lord.
On the way home I had a strange feeling. I was so relieved over my good news, but then I thought of Brian and his MRI today. I feel guilty that I got a clean bill of health. I told Brian about it and he of course said that's irrational, but I can't help it. I still feel like it is so unfair that he is sick. He in his wisdom and understanding said, "its not fair, but its not unfair either. I just got sick, it just happened, but that is no reason for you to wish more sadness or heartache on yourself than you already have. We should celebrate that you are healthy!" I love Brian so much. I can't ever express it enough. He is my whole world.
In the midst of our trials and my disillusionment with some members of Brian's healthcare team, I wanted to make sure I highlighted the great and compassionate work that my doctor and her team do. The whole office is a pleasure to work with from the front desk all the way to the ultrasound tech who told me today that she would be praying for us. Please let me know if you are looking for a new ob/gyn. I will let you know where I go, you will want to go there too!
Love, Lindsey
