Today, I was feeling really sorry for myself. I was having a pity party of supreme proportions and I didn't even want to stop. I didn't want to go to church when I woke up, but luckily Brian did so I pretended I did too and got ready. While we were there I found myself choking back tears the whole time. It wasn't even an especially emotional meeting, I was just feeling sappy. I took several opportunites this afternoon to duck into the bathroom or slip outside with Jack just to have a little cry without Brian seeing. At one point, I was sitting on the front step listening to the wind with tears in my eyes and I just prayed a quick angry prayer, "This isn't fair. Why is this happening? I hate my life."
Brian came out and we took Jack for a walk to the park and enjoyed the extra hour of sunlight. When we came in I was reading a catalog from a church book store and a scripture stood out to me. I went and grabbed Brian's bible and turned to 1 Peter 3:10 and read, "love life, and see good days." For some reason, I still stand amazed when I receive such very personal answers to my prayers.
The Lord is always with us. He knows the desires of our hearts, but He wants us to reach out to Him in prayer so that he can meet us half way with an answer. The more we strive to draw closer to our Father in Heaven, the easier it is for Him to communicate back to us. This is one of the sweetest blessings in life.
Even when our prayers are belabored, and not full of the gratitude that they should be, He will hear and answer us. The gentle command to "love life, and see good days" was exactly the answer I needed tonight. We are blessed with the agency to choose how we respond to the variety of challenges we will be faced with in this life. We may not be able to change the circumstance, but we most definitely can change our attitude and make the choice to love life instead of hating our current situation. And each day is simply a day, it is up to us whether it will be a good day or a bad one. Sometimes I forget that simple truth. Brian and I talked and promised each other to try to go forward with more positive attitudes. We have both been a little down since our appointment on Friday.
We see the nurse practioner for the neurosurgeon on Tuesday and the radiation oncologist on Friday. As always, your continued thougths and prayers are both appreciated and needed.
Lindsey
U...R...AMAZING!
ReplyDeleteOh Lindsey...thank you for sharing this. This is exactly what I needed to hear right now. Thank you for your inspiring words and for your sweet spirit. We think about Brian and you very often and will continue to keep you in our prayers. I am so thankful that as members of the Gospel that we are able to find joy and perspective in a world full of trials and struggles....what a loving Heavenly Father we KNOW. As always, if you ever need anything we will be there for you wherever and whenever! xo
ReplyDeleteLove you Lindsey! Continuing to pray for you both and keeping you in my thoughts!
ReplyDeleteI wish I had words that would be encouraging. I think you are handling this amazingly well. I can't imagine what you both are going through. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings along the way. I am learning from your great perspective. Keep it up:)
ReplyDeleteLindsey, you are TRUELY AMAZING...... You and Brian are remarkably great with and for each other. You are in my continued prayers sweetie. Your current post is, also, an answer to my prayers for another one of my family members that is going thru an extremely difficult time. Thank You, Thank You, Thank you!!! I am going to share this scripture with her AND your beautiful insight. I am always enlightened at the source by which our prayers are answered. Hugs to both of you!!!! "Love Life" today, and see it as a "Good Day"!!!
ReplyDelete~Aunt Cindy Rogers~
God truley is working in you and around you it is plain to see , he is using you both to show himself to "us" , his absolute Grace and presense is more powerful than us all , let him continue to guide you & Brian and NEVER NEVER give up , he never gave up on us !! Praying for his loving hand to hold you both through the tough times as well as the not so tough times , you are simply amazing to me . Always with you , Kris.
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