Summer Recap!

Here we are in mid October and I realized I never even did Part II of our anniversary celebration! In all of my worrying, I sometimes forget to "love life and see good days" (1 Peter 3:10), but we had some really fun times this summer. Since I am short on time, I thought I would do a quick photo recap of the summer!

 

We spent our anniverary in Chicago in July. We went to the Field Museum and then to our favorite Brazilian restaurant for a really awesome dinner.

 

Then, in August we had a great party for our friend Marcus from church. It was his birthday and he told me that he had never had a real birthday party!!! Can you believe it?! Obviously, I couldn't let that continue. So with the help of our friend Bob, and the missionaries, we threw Marcus a grand party! We had a cookout, and I made a pie and a cake!! It was so fun to see how excited Marcus was, but I really think I was more excited!

 

In August Brian's sister Adrianne and her sweet family came to visit, and last month Brian's mom and sister were here. It was a great opportunity to squeeze in some family time in between school, work, and treatments.

 

 

This was our anniversary dessert! We had already eaten an obscene amount of meat when they brought this out to us! And we ate it. ALL.

Me with our cake. It was bigger than my head.

Mmmmmm...Fogo de chao

Getting ready for our feast. Marcus and one of his many talents.

Mmmmmm....

Chris (Marc's mom), me, Elder Brinkerhoff, and Bob

Happy Birthday Marc!!

Lighting the candles!

More candles!

I was obvioulsy the most excited!

Peace!

Banana Cream Pie

Brian and Marcus

Us with Marc

Us again, with Bob

This is what Brian looked like when his hair first started falling out. It fell out a lot more.

Me and Aaron post meltdown.

My neices and nephews are practically the only kids that like me, so I take all the snuggles I can get.

And Jack. He is spoiled. I love him.



A great night!

Tonight was a really great night. I was invited to speak at the ICC Educational Foundation's Community Celebration! All of the scholarship recipients and benefactor's were invited to attend. I was so blessed to be surrounded by my parents, and Brian, and I got to sit with my scholarship benefactor!

What a wonderful experience. Mr. Gilmore was a quick witted and pleasant dinner companion. We got to know each other during dinner and I found out a lot of interesting things about this 92 year old gentleman.  A lifetime Peoria resident, he served in WWII as a navigator flying all over Germany, and he was president of Caterpillar for seven years after starting there as an apprentice six months out of high school. He said that he and his wife wanted to donate a scholarship because he never had the chance to go to college. He said if ICC had been around when he graduated from high school, he would have jumped at the chance to attend.

My contact person at ICC was Stephanie and she was just awesome. The event went off without a hitch in great part to her hard work! I was really nervous to give my speech, but I got up there and tried my very best. I may not be the best speaker, but I was able to successfully convey my message of hope amidst our trials, and faith in spite of adversity. So many people came up to me afterward to thank me for my testimony of a loving Heavenly Father, and to offer their sincere prayers to Brian and I.

I am tired after all of the adrenaline rushing through my system, but I am just so full of gratitude and love that I had to take a moment to talk about it. Attitude is so very important in how we deal with trials. Mine hasn't been the greatest as of late, but its nights like these that make me grateful for the people around me, who consistently lift me up and encourage me to do things I never thought I could do. Things like giving a speech in front of a room of 900 people!

I am so grateful for the generosity of my scholarship donor, so grateful for the love and support of my family, and so very, very grateful for my husband who inspires me to keep striving to be the very best version of myself.

I am at peace tonight.

Love,
Lindsey

P.S. Two more days of radiation!! We can make it!!!

The Merciful Obtain Mercy

I tell Brian all the time, most of my personal revelations come to me in the shower. I don't know why that is. Maybe it is because my mind is still quiet from the sleep of the night before, or maybe the warm water methodically pelting my skin relaxes me enough so that I can actually listen to that still, small voice.

Today, in the shower, I felt the need to revisit this talk from April's General Conference. No matter what church you belong to, this talk is full of advice worthy of your time and attention. I include a link to the text, but also the video above. President Uchtdorf's talks are easily my favorite of recent years, and I so enjoy watching him deliver them too.

I am happy I took the time to read this talk again because I have been praying for Heavenly Father to help me disconnect from my anger and frustration over Brian's lack of care. I can't see this change happening in me overnight, but "the more we allow the love of God to govern our minds and emotions—the more we allow our love for our Heavenly Father to swell within our hearts—the easier it is to love others with the pure love of Christ. As we open our hearts to the glowing dawn of the love of God, the darkness and cold of animosity and envy will eventually fade."

I think, an important distinction for me, is the fact that forgiving people who have treated us poorly doesn't mean defeat. It doesn't mean they are right and we are wrong. Forgiveness is a part of God's eternal plan. We forgive because we want to be forgiven. Once again, Elder Uchtdorf says it better than I can:

"We must recognize that we are all imperfect—that we are beggars before God. Haven’t we all, at one time or another, meekly approached the mercy seat and pleaded for grace? Haven’t we wished with all the energy of our souls for mercy—to be forgiven for the mistakes we have made and the sins we have committed?

Because we all depend on the mercy of God, how can we deny to others any measure of the grace we so desperately desire for ourselves? My beloved brothers and sisters, should we not forgive as we wish to be forgiven?"

I feel better today. I feel, at least, that my heart has been softened. My continued prayer is for the easement of the struggle I feel. There is a balance between forgiving as Christ would and we should, and simply prostrating ourselves before those who would seek to harm us. I am trying to negotiate this balance with the realization that I am my husband's advocate. If I don't do my best to make things right, no one else will. I do think I will still file a complaint when this is over. I feel that is the least I can do so that perhaps someone else will be spared from the trouble we are going through. Also, I hope my readers can appreciate that this little customer service issue we are having is the very tip of the iceberg. With it, I have reached a breaking point. If this were the only issue, I would be far more accomodating.

I am grateful for the love and support of our friends and family. I am so thankful for my relationship with Brian. Friends of Brian's that I have never met have embraced me as if they have known me forever, and I don't feel the distinction between "his side" of the family and "mine", I feel like we are one big family and that is how it should be. I know my parents and sister think of Brian as a son and brother, and I feel such a welcome and loved part of Brian's family. I have so much to be thankful for, even in the midst of this trial.  

Love

Today, I am very excited because I had the wonderful opportunity to write a post for my dear friend Jacy's AMAZING blog: My Name is Jacy!! 

Since I started blogging, I have this delicious new habit of blog-hopping. I actually found Jacy through a really insightful blog comment I think I read on A BLOG ABOUT LOVE...I think, but it doesn't matter because Jacy's blog has become my very favorite one on the planet! It makes me laugh and cry and feel so empowered! Mostly, reading Jacy's blog will make you feel beautiful. She has had more than her fair share of trials and has come out SHINING. Going through some things that would leave most people bitter and distrustful, Jacy is a beacon of hope to anyone regardless of what tragedy has befallen, and she is just such an inspiration! I reached out to her after spending a lot of time on her blog and she reached right back. Its hard to believe I can feel like I have such a dear friend in someone I have never even met in real life! I really hope to meet someday.

After working on a post for her new series..."My Name is..." I am just flooded with love for Brian. I just love him so much. It's easy to get in a rut and get frustrated with our life right now. And when we are frustrated with life, it inevitably spills into our marriage. We have both been down, and probably a little short with each other lately, which is just not like us. We always treat each other very kindly and are always mindful to speak kind words, so these blue moods are really upsetting. But I am once again reminded that our attitudes are completely under our control, and writing this post and working on Brian's still secret anniversary gift have been beautiful reminders of how blessed we are to have the kind of marriage that we do.

I love Brian for so many reasons. Its so beautiful to be married to someone and to learn about the "real" them! So here are just a few of the reasons why I love him!

1. He seems serious, but really he is a goofball. This picture was taken before he got so good at hiding it. There is other, more recent evidence, however, I would get in BIG trouble if I posted it!

***UPDATE*** I just got PERMISSION to post the following picture!

2.  Brian really loves music. I know he gets this from his grandparents. Mostly Grandpa Johnson. Here he is practicing piano. He still does for a few hours every week. I love listening to him and I am proud of his progress. He hasn't ever taken lessons, but he is learning and he sounds so great!

3.  Brian is really romantic. I will say that in the hustle and bustle, as well as the comfort of married life, we have to make concious efforts to keep the "flame" in our marriage, but we both try a lot. The small and simple gestures mean the most.

4. Then there is the one thing that simultaneously inspires and infuriates me. He is THE most selfless person I have ever known. He would do anything for you regardless of whether he has known you for a moment or a lifetime. I really sincerely love that quality in my husband. He shows me a Christ like example of charity each and every day. The infuriating part is that people find it very easy to take advantage of this...and they do, but it is such an integral part of his character that I don't think people even notice they are doing it. At least I sure hope they don't.

Sometimes it is really nice to take a moment and be grateful for life and all of the craziness it entails. I am so thankful to be with Brian. I am so happy that we chose to be together. I love being his wife and taking care of him.

Love, Lindsey

Summer Daze

It's hard to believe summer has just officially started because it feels like it's about half over. I guess technically for me it is since I will be back in school before I know it.

A lot of fun things have happened so far. My parents took Alissa and I to see Greg Laswell at the beginning of June. I was glad to have them drive us because I was tired. I left straight from work to meet them at the house and then we took off and turned around after the show and came back. Alissa and I got to meet Great which was fun. She won tickets and back stage passes on a Facebook contest. It was a fun night. So fun, that we decided to try to see Greg and with his wife Ingrid Michaelson!! Who happens to be one of other very favorites.

Last Saturday, my parents and Brian and I went to Springfield to the Lincoln museum. It was a lot of fun. We went to Pease's Candy afterward which always makes me laugh since my Gram's last name was Pease. Then on the way home we stopped and ate at a Cracker Barrel where We all ate some delicious food. I consumed over 55g of carbs that day. I don't regret it. I felt so good afterward. We didn't get any pictures that day unfortunately. I am sad because I have been trying to be concious of capturing more memories in photos.

This week I was really having one of those weeks where one thing after another seemed to go completely wrong. I was so frustrated on the way to work Wednesday and I called my mom, like I often to, to vent. She is a great listener. I really think it is so interesting how God tosses you a lifeline when you need it the most. I was stressing about what to maybe do for work while I was in nursing school, or if I should even work at all. Not ten minutes after I got off the phone with my mom and into work, my old boss called me and gave me some options for returning to work for him while in school. We had talked about me going back for a long time. Almost a year really, and it looks like it is finally going to work out and actually exceed  my expectations. I felt so lifted after that phone call. It will be nice to recoup some of our savings and have something steady and familiar for me to rely on. I do have some feelings of anxiety over the fact that I won't be with Brian as much when school starts and he returns to work. I will still have all my nights and weekends free and I am grateful for that, but I just worry about him. The fact is, we can't stop living our lives and get trapped in the worry cycle. Its important for me to stay busy and for Brian to get back to work. I just pray all the time that his cancer stays at bay and he won't have any more seizures. I am so worried that he will get exhausted back on thirds and have a break through seizure. Honestly though, I can't control if he has more seizures or not. That is hard for me to come to grips with.

Anyway, Brian just got home. We have had a busy couple of days, I just want to hang out with him for a little bit. :)

Father's Day

Yesterday was Father's Day.  We got to go up to my mom and dad's in Henry on Saturday to celebrate. I got an awesome present for Dad, which did not come in the mail until today so I still can't mention what it is, but I know he will love it.

Its hard for me to pick from all of the good memories I have of my dad, but he has always been one of my very favorite people in the whole world. I was lucky enough to grow up with a dad that was just a big kid. We played all the time. ALL. THE. TIME. I have a lot of old videos from when I was growing up that really show what a fun time we had, but one of my very earliest memories of Dad is when he would walk me up to the car dealership by our house growing up. He would either carry me, or I would ride my big wheel, but when we got there I always wanted to get in the back of the trucks. It wouldn't have mattered if there were three trucks or thirty, I wanted to get in the back of every single one. I am sure that probably annoyed my dad, but I never knew it. He would patiently lift me from truck bed to truck bed until we had seen them all.

On nights when my mom worked Dad and I would crank up music videos way louder than Mom liked when she was home. Or sometimes we would make the trip to Chillicothe to see a movie. We saw all of the 90's Disney movies that way.  Alissa didn't come along until I was almost nine, so my dad was my best playmate. He played blocks with me tirelessly. We had this game where we would build roads for toy cars with the blocks and then when it was time to put them away, we would pick a color and race to pick up all of that color of block and dad would always hide one and we would fight for the last one. Every time. Or hide and seek where I hid in the same spot in the closet every time and Dad would pretend not to know where I was and look for me for ten minutes with my anticipation growing every minute that he would find me. Or when he pretended to be a Velociraptor and broke his toe jumping onto the coffee table. All of these games ended in serious tickle fights until I couldn't breathe. Except the dinosaur incident...that ended with Dad rolling on the floor trying not to shout expletives and with tears in his eyes.  And when I got a little older and had girlfriends over Dad made a habit of scaring the absolute daylights out of us at every opportunity. We always knew it was coming. We would be swimming in the pool, or coming back from a bikeride, and he was out there, in the dark, waiting for the perfect moment to spring out and send us screaming into the house where my mom would laugh because he used to do the same thing to her.

My love of science fiction and good music came from my dad. To this day if I need a quick attitude adjustment I just blare some ELO, Hall & Oates, or Bowie. That will always take me right back to lazy Saturdays with my dad.  We loved shows like Quantum Leap and cried together during the series finale when we realized Sam never made it home. And when X-files came out, Dad and I would watch it every Friday night.  He introduced me to authors like Ray Bradbury and J.R.R. Tolkien whose books got me through those horrible junior high years when I felt like I couldn't relate to anyone. I loved talking about The Lord of the Rings series with my dad. I remember many times when I would be awake late into the night reading and I couldn't stop myself from creeping into my parents room to wake dad up and tell him about which exciting part I was at. He would come out and sit with me at the kitchen table and talk about it with me, even though he was tired and had to get up early for work.

Or those times even after I graduated from high school when I would see a twenty dollar bill on my dresser because my dad said "you should always have a little cash on you." Even last week, I was making popcorn on the stove and had a memory of my dad doing that with me. I thought it was so neat, and it does taste much better that way.

I am so grateful that I still have my dad with me. I am grateful every single day for the love and sacrifice of both of my parents. I know I don't have kids yet, but the older I get, the more I come to understand just how much they love me. My dad says a lot that he wishes I was little again because he feels like he didn't do enough for me, but I am just tearing up as I write this because from my little girl perspective, I had the very best Daddy in the known universe. I couldn't have asked for a better man to raise me, and I couldn't ask for a better friend today.

I am proud to be your daughter and prouder to call you Dad. I love you.

Today is my Birthday

Well, I turned 28 today. It looks stranger reading it than it even did saying it all day. I don't feel much older than 20. I guess that is how it works. I was lucky enough to celebrate with my family in Henry on Saturday. It was my parents, sister, brother-in-law, Brian of course, and my dear sweet friend Joe, who might as well be family. My cake was huge. It was a chocolate-fudge-filled-chocolate-cake-with-chocolate-fudge-icing. I have never met a chocolate cake I couldn't handle, but this one was ALMOST too much! Also, I got a haircut from Amy and I just love her so much. She did a great job as always, and I was proud because I didn't even cry while I was filling her in on our last few months. When I got up to pay, she wouldn't let me. Then I started crying. I am just so grateful to have good friends. I am so inspired to be a better friend every day because I really don't even know where I would be without the loving kindness of my truest friends. This experience has really helped me to sort out who my true friends are and I am happy to report that I am so blessed to have so very many.

I have to admit, this is a really sad birthday for me.  I just don't feel like myself.  When I blew out my candles I made a silly wish for Brian to be cancer free. I know it is a childlike thing to do, but I know those wishes can come true. The years Brian and I were apart, I would always wish we could find our way back to each other and we eventually did.

As sad as I feel some days, I am very much overcome with gratitude for the blessings of friendship which surround me.

Usually, I am really overcome on my birthday with how many people send kind regards for the day. Just to know so many people are thinking about me always comes as sort of a surprise.  But this year, I wasn't surprised at all. Ever since Brian has been sick I have been so overcome by the out pouring of love and support that has been shown to us. I simply don't have the words to express how very grateful I am for all of the ways we have been shown love today and always. The prayers, calls, texts, cards, gifts, hugs, listening ears, and shoulders to cry on have all sustained me.

I spent most of tonight working on my anniversary present to Brian, which is a secret since he reads this, but I can't wait to show him. We did get to go out to Johnny's for dinner with a gift card from my family. Thanks mom, you are off the hook this time!

I am tired and have a big day tomorrow, but please know that I wouldn't be where I am today, right now, without my dear friends.

Love, Lindsey

Some Thoughts on Mother's Day

     Once again, I find myself neglecting this ever so therapeutic blog. I just finished classes for the semester so I have some time to breathe and I plan on posting a little more frequently. I really wanted to mention that through this blog, I am finding not only the healing that comes with being honest with yourself and letting some of those rough and tumble thoughts and fears come out, but I have also found so many very powerful and thought provoking fellow bloggers out in the blogosphere. I have been fortunate enough to connect with some very inspiring and powerful women and I am very grateful for that. And they are so fun to read! Which brings me to my topic today. Motherhood.

     First I want to talk about what a great mother I am blessed to have. I know for me that I just didn't ever appreciate my mom like I do now that  I am an adult.   Our relationship has been through its ups and downs, through the tumultuous teenage angst, and the evolution from little girl Lindsey to adult Lindsey who makes her own decisions and some that Mom wouldn't have had me make. While we always loved each other, I am sure there were times when we didn't like or understand each other very much. But all that has changed. I see my mom now as not only my mother, but as a anchor of stability in our family, and as my dear friend. She is loving and kind and she sacrifices for me and my sister continuously. I wrote in her card this year, and I mean it with all my heart that we finally have the relationship I always dreamed we could have.  I know there have been countless hours in the past few months where the only person I wanted to talk to was my mom. I wanted her advice and I needed her to listen. One of the most powerful realizations that I have had recently is that I most definitely NEED my mom. Now more than ever. And that is almost paradoxical to me because I am a well adjusted adult and I have started my own little family with Brian now. I knew of course that I would always love my mom, but I didn't anticipate really needing her this much. She always knows what to say to make me feel better and when she doesn't know what to say, she brings me a milk shake or treats me to frozen yogurt, even though I know she doesn't really like the yogurt, just the toppings. There is that sacrifice again ;)  I can feel how much she loves me. I see the pain in her face when I come to her with a problem that she can't fix and I hope she can know that just listening to me and loving me unconditionally is enough. A mother's love is very special. No one in your life will love you like your mother and I am so very grateful for my mom.

     My mom loves me in a unique and special way that only she will ever love me. I know that because even though I miscarried our first baby last year, I felt that overwhelming and profound love from the moment I realized I was pregnant. I loved that little baby so much from the first. I have always approached Mother's Day from the perspecive of Daughter, and since we got married in 2010, I have been very much looking forward to experiencing it from a Mother's perspective.

     Women are revered in my church, and especially on Mother's Day. Usually they do something special for moms on Mother's Day like give them a flower. Last year, while they were passing out the flowers, they had given them to all of the mom's and then they asked all of the other women to stand up. It was just me and one of my friends who were left. She was still single at the time so I was the only married woman that wasn't a mom. We had only been trying for about eight months at that time, but I was really getting frustrated. I remember feeling so embarrassed to take a flower. I just felt so underserving because I wasn't a mom. I got out of the chapel as soon as possible and went to the bathroom and cried. I hated feeling so ungrateful, the flower wasn't meant to single me out as a non-mother, but to thank me for my service to the children in our church. I was serving as a Sunday school teacher for the eight and nine year olds at the time.

     Last month, I read this article in a church magazine and it really spoke to my heart. Its talked about  how we can seek "alternative opportunities for motherhood." Teaching children is one way, or volunteering to babysit, or supporting young people by attending sports events (sometimes Brian and I try to catch his cousin's ball games). Anyway, it helped me to realize that just because I haven't yet had the opportunity to raise children of my own, I am not childless. Heavenly Father has surrounded me with children and given me the opportunity to make a positive impact on their lives and I strive to do so.

     This year Mother's Day was especially hard. When I got up to shower for church I was already planning my escape before the flower distribution, I just didn't want to be singled out again. I just kept thinking about how special the day would have been had I been about seven months pregnant like I should have been. When I got out of the shower, Brian had gotten up and there was a pink envelope on my bedside table. My eyes filled with tears as I carefully opened it up and read these words:

"I hope you won't be offended or upset by this card, but I chose it specifically because I do feel like we have been on a 'journey' of sorts. I know its hard to see where it will take us, but you are the one I always wanted to take it with. I love you tremendously Lindsey. ~ Brian

     I did end up getting out of the chapel and setting up for my class early, but I really wasn't as sad as I thought I would be. I just felt so grateful and happy to be so deeply loved by my sweet Brian. We are so good for each other. I feel like even with the trials we are facing we are so lucky to be able to find joy in our life and in our companionship. Some days brain cancer feels like a serious threat to that companionship, but in spite of it all, I know we can face it as long as we are side by side.  

Love, Lindsey

Welcome Spring!

My very favorite time of year is autumn. It always has been. I love the colors and the smells and the way the sunlight looks just a little different from the rest of the year. It has a sort of warmish amber glow as it filters through the red, orange, and yellow leaves which is different from the crystalline starkness that it has in the winter, or the mellow haziness of summer. I can't, however, escape the melancholy I always feel as the leaves fall and the season draws to a close.

This year has been a little different. I am loving spring more than I ever have. Maybe its because I have been thinking a lot about hope and faith lately. Spring is full of hope. Full of new beginnings. My favorite sign of spring comes when the lovely birds burst into song and break the quiet stillness of winter. I always hear people complain about the noise they make so early in the morning, but I can't wait for those first few weeks when you really appreciate and notice their sounds before they become routine for the summer.

I haven't posted in awhile. I meant to, but we have just been outside almost everyday trying to soak up this gorgeous weather and enjoy ourselves. So here is a little update.

My sister had a birthday on March 15th. My mom and dad both had to work so Brian, Alissa, Jake, and I went to starved rock and had a really nice hike. I was afraid Brian would be really tired because he had been the previous few days, but he had a burst of energy we attributed to the great weather, and actually, Liss and Jake got tired before us! We had mexican for lunch and were underwhelmed. I think we were there at an off time because the service was stinky, but then we bargain hunted at Big Lots and came home and hung out for a little bit.

Saturday, we went up and had a cookout at my parents house with my cousin Andre, and our good friend Joe. That was fun. My mom made her macaroni salad and my dad's burgers were great so I was in Heaven.

We have been taking Jack for walks everyday. Sometimes two. He loves it. And our sweet lady next door Dorothy gave us a bouquet of beautiful sunny yellow daffodils! I tried and tried to get a picture of them, but it just paled in comparison to real life so much that I couldn't bear to post it.

Midterms were this week at school. With the time I missed and the studying I did NOT do last month, my anatomy grade is now a high C. I can definitely bring it back up to at least a B though. And I was accepted into ICC's nursing program! I almost forgot about that. For the sake of finance and continuity, I decided to just finish up my RN there. Then I can work on a bridge program for my BSN hopefully at OSF. I only have eight classes left and I am anxious to get that part of school done.

On Thursday, we met my mom for lunch. It was nice to see her a little extra this week. Thursday and Friday both felt like Saturdays to me. Brian and I went to Famous Daves last night for fish. We didn't plan on it, it just kind of happened and I don't regret it. Tonight, our first real Saturday of the week, we are making Rick Bayless at home and watching Star Wars. All we have been doing is watching sci-fi all week and I love it.

The oatmeal bread I just baked has been tried and approved by Brian. I love baking bread. I love the whole process of making it from scratch. It feels good. You just start with these plain raw ingredients and then combine them just the right way, and then you have to really knead it. It is tough and it takes time to get to the right consistency. Then you have to be very patient and wait and wait while it rises. Then let it rest, then shape it into a loaf and wait some more while it rises again. Its such a painstaking process and when it turns out well its just so rewarding. And I love Brian's reaction. He was almost incredulous the first time I made it for him. I make it often, but each time he responds with the same joy. He loves it. I love what I am coming to recognize as the "hot bread smile." I wait for it and I am never disappointed. There is a parallel to life in there somewhere. But this entry is long enough.

Some pictures from the last couple weeks.

Birthday Duck Face

Lissa in her new sunglasses (birthday present from me!)

Jack friend.

At this moment we were getting ready to leave. He was devastated.

Today's oatmeal bread. You can get a peek of Dorothy's daffodils next to Franz in the background :)

Freshly baked, sliced and enjoyed!

Enjoy the weather everyone and don't forget to look up! Its better than looking down.

Love,

Lindsey

A LONG post, but a lot happened this week!

I come from a long line of worry warts. I remember fondly when my Gram was alive, there were several occasions where she would ask, "now, what was I worried about? I know I was worried about something, but I can't remember." I would laugh and tell her that if she couldn't even remember, then it probably wasn't worth worrying about in the first place.
I feel sort of like that. And I have been trying to take my own advice. Brian feels so good right now and has recovered so well from surgery, that its hard for me to remember sometimes what we are facing. I am so thankful for his continued improvement and this respite he has before the commencement of treatment. Its good for our souls.

As difficult as this trial seems, I know that we must find, and cling to, those moments of grace that I know are there for us to take advantage of. This week, that was easy.

We have still been receiving cards in the mail and we look forward to them each day. This week we also received two packages! One was from an old Virginia Beach friend of Brian's. Adrianne and Jared Blake sent us two boxes of dipped fruit from edible arrangements. YUM! She sent strawberries and bananas which we could barely wait to try. Delish and a fun and unexpected dessert.

Brian's Grandma and Grandpa Johnson also sent us a box. They included some really good New Mexico Salsa, and some fun T-shirts. One is from Roswell and has an alien on it. Its Brian's size, but I already stole it ;) And then they sent each of us a T-shirt form our favorite restaurant to visit out there called La Posta. If you are ever in Mesilla, outside of Las Cruces, I can highly recommend La Posta.

On Wednesday, Brian's big surprise came. He has been eyeing digital pianos for months now. He has wanted a piano for years, ever since his Kermit the Frog keyboard when he was six. He never took lessons, but he can just amazingly play by ear. I'm always impressed, but of course he downplays everything and says its easy. When all of this happened, my mom and dad decided to get one for him! I originally said no way because I know Brian is not good at gift receiving. He is, and always has been a giver and fixer, not an asker or a taker so its difficult for him. But if you know my mom, then you will know that me telling her not to do this was like me telling her to go kick a puppy. It just isn't happening. She insisted that when we were looking at houses a couple of months ago, she decided to get us one as a housewarming gift, and now since our house hunt is indefinitely on hold and Brian has LOADS of time on his hands, she decided to give it to him to help combat the boredom he is dealing with.

I told him it was coming on Tuesday night so he could get over the gift-receivers remorse that he most definitely felt. By the time it came Wednesday, he was pretty excited. He plays so well still even though he thinks he is terribly out of practice. He enjoys it so much and I am so grateful to my mom and dad for doing this for us. I know that he will continue to get enjoyment out of it in the challenging days and months ahead.

Thursday, we decided to make a spontaneous trip to Chicago. The Field Museum was having a free day and Brian wanted to get out of the house. I did the driving since Brian can't yet, and that was an adventure in and of itself. Brian said I did well, but I am a nervous driver. I don't know how you can be calm in that traffic. We also splurged on dinner and ate at Fogo de Chao which Brian and I affectionately call, Meat Heaven. Its a churrascaria which is a Brazilian steakhouse. We wanted to try it since we went to Texas de Brazil last time. They were very similar, but Fogo de Chao has Guarana Antarctica, which Brian insists is the better brand of his favorite Brazilian soda, so that tipped the scale as far as he was concerned. I wanted to get pictures there, but our lust for protein over took us so much that I forgot!

Friday I had school, but Saturday we met up with my family and ate at Famous Daves and then saw This Means War. It was cute and it was good to get out of the house. We had a blast with my fam, and then they came over to see Jack and Brian's piano.

Brian sweetly said the highlight of his week was the oatmeal bread I made for him. I just find it comical that most of the joys in our life and our marriage revolve around the food we share. I don't know if that's good or bad.

Anyway, like usual, I didn't take enough pictures in Chicago, but here are a few of the highlights from our week. I didn't get one of the piano yet, but I want a good one of Brian with it before I post.

This week, we see the oncologist on Friday. I am nervous, but really ready to get some more information.

Thank you for reading, and for your continued love and prayers.

Jack helping me study. He has really been my buddy.

Brian and I at the dinosaur exhibit at the museum. Our favorite of course!

Me with a Parasaurolophus.

Brian's card table!

Jack being a baby.

Brian and I about to disrespect some fried fish!

Me with my sister who keeps me well stocked with Cadbury eggs and Chewy Spree in times of need!