Fake it till you make it!

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Last Sunday, we went to Peoria for church since it was our semi-annual conference. I was really excited because I got to catch up with a couple of my Peoria friends. One of my favorite friends was there and she was asking how Brian and I were doing. I started with the usual "really good...." that I do with acquaintances,  but then I remembered I was talking to a real, sweet friend, and I said, "actually, I feel I am just faking it a lot of times. I have some really hard days." And she told me sometimes you just have to fake it..."fake it till you make it!" The way she said it inspired me so much. She was right.

Then on Monday at school I was talking with my friend Mellisa. We are at the point in the semester where we are starting to feel the burn. We have only six weeks left! I try my best to surround myself with positive people at school. I have such a support group and we always encourage each other. I think we were talking about clinical paperwork or an exam or something, and Mellisa said, "we have to fake it till we make it!"

I don't feel like its a coincidence that this silly phrase came my way in two separate circumstances from two separate friends. I have a strong testimony that our Heavenly Father hears and answers our prayers.

Lately, I have been praying for direction. I love the fact that we can communicate with God. When we communicate with Him, its through prayer, when He communicates with us, its through inspiration. I believe that we all have the ability to receive personal revelation. Elder David A. Bednar puts it so very beautifully right here. He compares revelation to light. This can work in three different ways.

1. Sometimes, it is like turning on a light switch. A dark room is very suddenly and brilliantly lit up. This kind of instantaneous revelation is rare.

2. More commonly, revelation is like the rising of the sun. Very gradually, the light gets brighter and brighter until we can see clearly.

3. Still other times, receiving inspiration is like a foggy day. There is enough light that we know it is daytime, but we can see no more than a few steps ahead of us.

I feel like my days are foggy. I know there is light around me, but I don't really know which way to turn or what to do. I keep praying to know what God would have me do. Because I have to believe, if we are being allowed to endure such a trial, Heavenly Father has something important planned for us. I know that must be the case. I feel it in my soul as I write this. Whatever is in store, I know that I have to have the faith to take those blind steps. If I have learned anything, its that God expects us to utilize the agency that he has endowed us with to make the best choices we can. We can't always wait for a sign, we need to step forward in those foggy days with the assurity that he will be there to guide and correct us on our path. Stepping out like that still takes a lot of courage for me, but I am going to fake it till I make it ;)

I am also grateful for the way God answers our unspoken prayers. This week, I have been in high spirits. I have felt more peace than I have in weeks. I am slowly starting to understand that this unexpected peaceful feeling is an answer to a prayer I didn't utter, or maybe that someone else did on my behalf. Either way, I am so thankful for it because Brian isn't having a good week. He is the strong one. So strong, that sometimes even I can't tell when he is feeling low. But this week I can definitely tell. His radiation treatments ended last Thursday and on Sunday, he started developing a pretty nasty rash on his head. It has since migrated further and further down his face and now it is down to  his cheeks. It is painful and it burns. He went back to the radiation oncologist and the nurse told him to take Benadryl because it looks like an allergic reaction. I nixed that since he is on Keppra and you can't take antihistamines with Keppra (woohoo nursing school!) The doctor recommended he try some hydrocortisone cream, but that was Monday and it continues to worsen. He is going back tomorrow to see what can be done.

I think this just has him bummed out because he was so looking forward to radiation being over and now he is having crummy after effects. I am glad that I feel better this week because I need to be the strong, positive one for awhile. I have been trying to be better about my attitude around Brian. Whenever I need to vent or cry or complain, he is my sounding board. He is my companion, my partner, my rock. In this instance though, I don't want to vent my worries about him onto him. He already worries so much about me and how I am dealing. He worries about everyone else all the time and himself last of all. But that is just my Brian.

Anyway, if you are the praying type, or the good vibe type, or the positive thought type, please shoot any and all of those things Brian's way this week. Specifically for the resolution of whatever rash issue he has going on. I think the sooner he starts feeling back to normal, the sooner we can move on and cheer him up.

Love as always,

Lindsey