I haven't felt like praying at all lately. I feel bad about it, but I just can't get motivated. I know God is aware of me though, even when I'm not talking to Him. This was evidenced to me in some simple, but profound ways this week.
Firstly, we had a visit from some friends from church the other night. I wasn't in the mood for company. I had a long clinical day and I had a two exams to study for. I decided to stress-bake some bread sticks so I could stress-eat some carbs while I waited for our company. I was listening of course to Coast to Coast like I always do in the kitchen and guest was talking about the power of prayer. He said he realized that he had been praying wrong his whole life. He always prayed a little selfishly for things that he wanted. He never asked what is was that God might want of him. Once he changed this behavior, he started getting answers.
Within a half hour, our company was here and the message they brought was about....you guessed it, prayer, and how God hears and answers our prayers. They even talked about praying for what we can do for God instead of just the things we want or need.
It has been my experience that when "coincidences" like that happen, its like a little text message from God that we should pay attention to.
Wednesday started off rough. I needed gas and when I got to the gas station, I realized I left my debit card at home so I had to go all the way back and get it. Then, since I had two exams that day, I decided I really needed all 18 grams of fat contained in a Little Debbie "gas station brownie" so I indulged. Breakfast of champions. I was downing it on the way to work and I bit down on something hard. Really hard. Gross. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to spit it out so badly, but I was in my new, good smelling car and I didn't want to risk a mess so I just swallowed really fast. I decided to tell myself that it was just a piece of walnut shell. Please let it just have been a piece of a walnut shell because I don't know what else it could have been and it makes me gag to think about it.
I arrived safely at school and as I was walking up the stairs trying to work off the 18 grams of fat from the crunchy brownie, I slipped and almost totally bit the dust. Thankfully, I caught myself.
As I sat down in class, the first good thing happened. I got a text from a friend I used to work with which just read, "Smile! Today will be a good day!" I did smile and I enjoyed the randomness of that text from a friend who had no idea how rocky my day started out.
My first test was hard. Like I got a C hard >.< Ouch. I was so flustered that I couldn't even study for my next test during my break. I was really stressing out about it. Once I got to the classroom, I sat down and put my head down on my desk and said a very simple prayer,
"Heavenly Father, I know I haven't been talking to you very much lately at all, and I know I don't really deserve it because I barely studied, but please, somehow, let me do okay on this test."
Our instructor walked in a minute later with the tests in hand and informed us that this test would be OPEN BOOK!!!!
"Wow, God, that was fast! Thank you, thank you, thank you!"
I think he knows and understands the heaviness of my heart right now. I think he gave me a little break with that one. Sometimes you need those instant gratification answers just because you do. I am really very thankful for the little blessings sprinkled throughout my stressful day.